Posts

Self-doubt: Alicia's Monologue

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• meet Alicia. A 21 year old writer from the western part of the country, here in Nigeria. Alicia battles with self doubt after trying so much and all efforts proved abortive. Now, she is left to wonder whether or not her little strength can sustain her in the new year and how she as a person can progress, irrespective of her down turns. Find out! Alicia's Monologue: Like it's never enough every other day, it's not enough even now. My dreams? My visions?? What irks me the most is my inability to comprehend why it is so tasking to put these words on paper, only to hide them. After all, gifts are embedded in us for a reason and as humans, we have a duty of solving problems with these gifts. Why is it different in my case?, I have now even joined in the problems, knowing that I have something in me but no confidence to showcase. What attributes my thoughts to feign that I can't apprehend? Is it the fact that no one believed in me from the onset or facts that I

When should you cry?

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Pre note : I had already gotten half way in this particular write-up when I came across a tweet made by some guy on how he thinks that women who cry during their period are "pussies", in his words. I'm not sure if that was a coincidence but it'd be addressed. I guess when you want something, the universe works in your favour. This is my bread being buttered with his statement verbatim.     " The red flag I can never tolerate in a woman is if she cries during her period. It's jus stomach ache ffs, go drink salt and 7up or somn".     •A conversation between myself and another party. Me : tears taste like salt Other party: why are you tasting your tears? Me : It was flowing too much and was uncontrollable, I had to. Other party: what's making you cry? Hard girls don't cry, be strong. Me : (repeating after her) "Hard girls don't cry" but I'm not a hard girl, I'm me. Other party : then you're weak. Me : Gbam! Waha

Memories are not enough: Let's try another way

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Memories are not enough! Let's try another way..... I was a little girl when I got into the higher institution, no clear directive just a mission to read, settle and graduate. The time has passed now, "4" years countedly gone in the twinkle of an eye.     Schooling in a private yard wasn't difficult as opposed to staying home, the fun was a hundred percent, irrespective of the strict and coercive rules which somehow made the days even more exciting. Looking back, I marvel at the rules broken by people or even by myself in my own terms. Lessons learnt, maybe not from personal experience but from others cannot be forgotten.      Being a person who enjoys staying in front of the camera, I have a hundred and one pictures of myself with 60% of my coursemates, it wasn't a conscious effort but it did happen. Albeit I'm glad. Going through an album, I cannot help but welp at the pictures I took back at school. These pictures are refreshing memories and rec

Reflecting my abilities as a writer dealing with anxiety.

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Help!!! It must suck being a writer who's a perfectionist. This is what I say to myself everytime I put words down in paper and it feels like a dry wound. Ever felt your abilities aren't just enough?  I'm a lot aware it's my thought process doing the most.     I make plans scheduling the next morning to work on drafting my first movie script, unable to bring myself to start. It goes on repeatedly like a vicious cycle. Who is going to believe that I enjoy writing as an act but it takes me effort and will power to start something, let alone be convinced enough to drop it off for public read.??      Moving on, there's one thing dealing with ' anxiety '  and another in ' perfectionism '. These terms do not sit right at the table for me. Anxiety is a downing phantom. Imagine feeling so at unease because you do not allow your hands and mind express. Exhausting! 99.9% of the time, I'm worried about how I've not written despite plans made

•Getting over him ^_^

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Getting over someone you are into is a huge task, it's almost a difficult process and at the moment of desperation may seem impossible.      Technically, it took me 3 months of shedding hot tears, overthinking, soliloquizing and self doubt before I got over this person.    We had been speaking everyday during the lockdown. We were like 2 peas in a pod and more. As time went on, I started liking this guy. I excused myself severally saying "there's no way I'd talk to someone everyday in a year and not catch feelings, I'm human". I sensed a different energy from him that seemed to me as feelings at some point and oh well I didn't do my proper investigation before concluding and by then it was already late. I had fallen head over heels. 🤸🏽‍♀️    I made my intentions known to him and he told me blatantly that he didn't feel the same way. Now the mistake I made was not moving on immediately and laying my feelings instead I kept hopes that maybe

Shower Moment! 🧖🚿

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Everything happened under an improvised shower. (Bucket and bailer). It was so hot even if there was power supply and there I was in the bathroom feeling the need to relieve myself of the heat that stressed my skin out. So! A shower would have worked perfectly but for conditions, I made use of a ( bucket and bailer).    I poured a big bailer of water from my head to my toes. I repeated this process, it was soothing. I continued the process as I filled my big bucket an extra time and soon I started creating magical pictures in my head. The moment was beautiful, I didn't want it to end. It was like I was living a fantasy but under water.    It started as I saw myself in fair magical cities that I'd love to visit. [Bora Bora, Maldives, Italy, Taiwan] and frankly countries with the bioluminescent water. Since I had read about all of them, it became a dream and something I most look forward to. Love it!🌊💙   Under the devised shower, I had seen myself in my early 20'

🗣️ Having Healthy Arguments!

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I was talking with an acquaintance on nice hairstyles to make during the summer and it led to an argument which I'm open to, we barely argued for 3 minutes and soon she went on and on and on about how I wasn't using my senses and I was dumb just 'cause I wasn't agreeing with her. For a moment, I was confused and then it hit me that she was starting to take things personal. It pisses me everytime I have an argument with someone and it results to fight. Yeah, Arguments are necessary! They are ways in which one can come to an agreement on a subject matter to support a reason. It's problem solving and should incase reach for a compromise and not a "fight".     It is important to note that you can't impose your opinion on people, the moment you start doing that, you portray " Toxicity " but as a matter of fact, you can try to convince whoever you're having the argument with using facts backing your point as regards the subject of discussion.