Self-doubt: Alicia's Monologue

•meet Alicia. A 21 year old writer from the western part of the country, here in Nigeria. Alicia battles with self doubt after trying so much and all efforts proved abortive. Now, she is left to wonder whether or not her little strength can sustain her in the new year and how she as a person can progress, irrespective of her down turns. Find out!

Alicia's Monologue:

Like it's never enough every other day, it's not enough even now. My dreams? My visions?? What irks me the most is my inability to comprehend why it is so tasking to put these words on paper, only to hide them. After all, gifts are embedded in us for a reason and as humans, we have a duty of solving problems with these gifts. Why is it different in my case?, I have now even joined in the problems, knowing that I have something in me but no confidence to showcase.

What attributes my thoughts to feign that I can't apprehend? Is it the fact that no one believed in me from the onset or facts that I do not believe in myself. Would I be self delusional to say I write well? I mean, it's one thing to be self confident in what you do, it's another to have sizzling thoughts of disbelief in you. When the ideas come in, my fear is first to jump out before I get the chance to harness it. Fear keeps hinging on me and moving in me like it already found a territory. 

   This is starting to get serious. It's how I never raised an eyebrow to all of the events, thinking it was normal. I should start a relative business now. Actually, the third business this year, all which have failed. To start another one in the new year or not? What guarantee is there to grant the new business's sustenance?. There are no results to show for all the gifts, businesses and hardwork, asides very many problems.

 Self doubt is draining. It's bad when no one believes in you, how much more not having to believe in yourself. This is my life and future... The problems may pester, but I better face them. True, I am just a 21 year old girl moving as the wind directs, fair enough to me, unfair to my inner mind who wants to put in more effort but can't seem to achieve nothing. 

I have come to know and identify my problems. However, its high time I forgot them and faced the solutions. Now, I'm talking. The zeal is back!!! I smell victory. 

Just about what to do in masterminding my progress, I better apply for lessons to help nurture my skills, practice and fine-tune my gift. Also, getting a therapist to clear my negative thoughts wouldn't hurt. I'd drop those bad comments from people dependent on weakling me.

Everything is better with affirmations. It would be a part of me. I'd ensure personal and attitudinal development. This would mark a new dimension of Alicia, as there's more to see. This time, I'd face those fears, walk my dreams and earn my credits. I shall be that fancy girl who believes and attributes her dreams to faith. 

     Life is a journey. It might take a while but I do not give up. A new regime indeed. Victory at last!

Note:

Hi hi guys...it's been a wonderful year overall. I'm thankful to everyone who stayed active readers of my blog, may goodness follow you all the way. A new year soon, I hope you're able to learn from Alicia to pick up and stay trying. Have a bliss and fulfilled time